Total surrender

I been here before so many times taken a lot to get this point so many tears and sleepless nights some days I felt like a big toddler wanting her way kicking and Yes, screaming Very unlike me. I felt powerless which in truth I was never I had the power all a long. I started to surrender a little over a 3 ago and didn't see the change I wanted sure I strummed a lot so I thought this time would be same.Which left me one thought damn change is hard and painful but I was so done fighting it and chasing Yes I did even though I didn't think I had anything to work on myself I know I laugh at it now so finally just done with the worry when and how and all the pain and I let go and gave it to God I don't mean I gave up just stopped all my crap I was doing.Yes it was crap then slowly a peace I longed for came to me like a weight was lifted. soon after this I ran into an old friend who saw me in the beginning my  dark night of soul I got into a fight (verbal )  cause she called me on my crap .when I saw her after surrender she said felt calmed  just being around me I was amazed.

If I can total surrender and hold love in my heart then there is hope for anyone.